Printable Version of Topic

Posted by: SUMOFISHIN Oct 18 2015, 03:47 PM

Ok I need to VENT!! So, I went to Aldi to get some stuff for tonight's dinner and noticed this lady was staring at me on the same aisle I was on. No biggie.
I moved to the next aisle and here she comes again... STARING! So now I'm like, "WTF?!",
but finish up my shopping and head to the check out line. Of course this same lady was ahead of me... and starts staring again.
Awkward!!! So I start playing with my phone so I don't have to look at her. Finally she says
"I want to apologize for staring at you, but you look just like my son who just passed away."
I felt really bad after that and gave her my condolences.
She says "thank you but I have a favor to ask. I understand if you don't want to but
can you give me a hug and say 'bye mama' to me?" Inside I was like "SCCCHWEIRD",
but me being the softie that I am, I went ahead and did it. She smiles, thanks me, and leaves.
The cashier rings up my stuff and the total comes out to $100.87. I knew something wasn't right,
because it should have been like $40 or so. The girl tells me that my total was included with my mum's.
I'm like, "What?!!!" she said, "Your mum said you were paying for her last few items along with your things.
I told her that the woman was most definitely NOT my mum!!!! She said, well I saw you hug her and heard you call her mama.
I flew out of the store looking for this witch, ready to beat her a@*. I see her loading up her car!
She saw me and jumped in her car, I got to her as she was putting her leg in,
and I started pulling her leg... JUST LIKE I'M PULLING YOURS!!!!

Posted by: Jumpus GooDarus Oct 18 2015, 05:14 PM

QUOTE (SUMOFISHIN @ Oct 19 2015, 10:47 AM)

Posted by: nimrod Oct 18 2015, 06:21 PM

OK I admit, You got me !!

Talking of Aldi I went down yesterday to get an $29.99 self inflating mattress for camping, turns out they
are not on sale till next Saturday.
Anyhow while there I seen these inflatable life vests $ 49.99 each so I grabbed 2 for the boat.
Came home and my friend that lives in my granny flat bought home a king size single 4x4 self inflating mattress
which is a bloody beauty, $69.99 but the extra dollars are well worth it.

Posted by: Jumpus GooDarus Oct 18 2015, 06:51 PM

QUOTE (nimrod @ Oct 19 2015, 01:21 PM)

Posted by: nimrod Oct 19 2015, 12:25 AM

QUOTE (Jumpus GooDarus @ Oct 19 2015, 01:51 PM)

Posted by: Alvin Monk Oct 19 2015, 07:05 PM

I'll be there

Posted by: poly Oct 20 2015, 02:22 PM

ok Sumo rap a little laughter around this one its an oldy but a goody

So while at the DallasCon Jared and Jensen had a nother event to attend. They were asked to judge at a chilli cook-off. As native Texans it was a greate honor for them.

They told Misha into joining in and assured him, that the chilli wouldn’t be all that spicy and, besides, they told him, he could have free beer during the tasting, So he accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chilli # 1 Mike’s Maniac Mobster Monster Chilli

Jensen – A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Jared – Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

Misha - Holy f**K, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy!

Chilli # 2 Arthur’s Afterburner Chilli

Jensen – Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Jared – Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Misha – Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chilli # 3 Fred’s Famous Burn Down the Barn Chilli

Jensen – Excellent firehouse chilli. Great kick. Needs more beans.

Jared – A beanless chilli, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

Misha – Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting s**t-faced from all of the beer.

Chilli # 4 Bubba’s Black Magic

Jensen – Black bean chilli with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Jared – Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chilli.

Misha – I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out ones taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. She is starting to look HOT... just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?

Chilli # 5 Linda’s Legal Lip Remover

Jensen – Meaty, strong chilli. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Jared – Chilli using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Misha – My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!!

Chilli # 6 Vera’s Very Vegetarian Variety

Jensen – Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chilli. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Jared – The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Misha – My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I crapped myself when I farted and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

Chilli # 7 Susan’s Screaming Sensation Chilli

Jensen – A mediocre chilli with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Jared – Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Misha – You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chilli which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like crap to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Screw it, I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chilli # 8 Tommy’s Toe-Nail Curling Chilli

Jensen – The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chilli. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Jared – This final entry is a good, balanced chilli. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Misha passed out, fell over and pulled the chilli pot down on top of himself. Not sure he’s going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he’d have reacted to some really hot chilli?

Posted by: Jumpus GooDarus Oct 20 2015, 05:51 PM

QUOTE (Alvin Monk @ Oct 20 2015, 02:05 PM)